Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
