I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
