I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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