I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
