i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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