he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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