dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize