i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
