Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
