Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
is wine microwaveable?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
