You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I checked into jail on foursquare
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
