Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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