what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize