Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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