he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
