Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
