you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
