I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
