On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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