Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I need to sanitize my soul.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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