i think my mom watched the whole time
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
