East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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