i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
