Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
