I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
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