What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I love you. Go after that dick
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
