Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
