He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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