I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
