plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Farmville is her only friend.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
