just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
