Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize