Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
