the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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