so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
