i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
