is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She needs sedatives and a leash
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
