he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
