yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
