thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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