Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
