Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
