Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
