Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
