I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
