you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
