Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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