last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
BRING THE BAGELS
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize