i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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