I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
