Just fell off a train. Bad.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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