i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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