I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
