omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
