I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
