Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
