I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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