margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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