I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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