Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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