What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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