I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
