I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize