turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize