Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so let's talk penis.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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