I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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