WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
