If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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