it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
