okay pat passed out under dana's car
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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