We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize