I hate your face
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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