Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
